Breaking News: Hearts striker Christian Nade has been diagnosed with MRSA, the flesh eating disease. Doctors have given the fat bastard 40 years to live.

John Hughes walks by the touchline at the end of a game.  A fan puts out his arm and Hughes signs it.  Further on a lady lifts her top and Hughes signs her breasts.  As he nears the tunnel, a woman leaps naked onto the pitch, lies down and spreads her legs.  yogi says, “Sorry, it’s Csaba Laszlo that signs all the fannies.”

Breaking news: 2 Plane loads of volunteers from Ibrox have taken off from Prestwick Airport heading for Haiti to assist with the looting and rioting.

A container holding 250,000 Hearts tops was returned to the Scottish Executive today by the people of Haiti. Attached was a not saying “We have no homes, no food and no water but we still have our dignity.”

I loaned the Jambo next door £20 last week and haven’t seen him since….feckin’ bargain!

Csaba Laszlo and Yogi Hughes are in the pub.  Laslo buys the first drinks, Yogi gets the next round in and then Csaba goes up again, once those drinks are done, Yogi turns round to Csaba and says “Shouldn’t you fuck off now, it’s the 4th round!”

Be careful , driving conditions are awful tonight.  I just came off the road and hit a Jambo.  It took e ten minutes, two fields & a golf course but I finally got him.

What’s the differance between Christian Nade and a beach ball?

The beach ball has scored this season.

Thanks to Brainwrong for many of these.

If you enjoyed this you might want to see some of the best and worst beards in football.

It’s been widely rumoured since Yogi arrived at the club that Stokes would return to play for him after an uneventful spell down south.  Stokes signed for Sunderland for around £2 million so you’d have to figure that Hibs have paid some sort of fee to get him back to Scotland.  Lets hope he can find the form that got him that transfer in the first place.

This is a genuinely exciting signing and along with the return of Benji and Zemmama and addition of 3 midfielders who all, so far, look the biz – we could be in for a decent season.

To top it all, the Jambos were humped in 4-0 by Dynamo Zagreb tonight too.  Happy days!

Here are links to his hatrick for Falkirk against Dunfermline:

Goal 1 Goal 2 Goal 3

I was amused to see Dundee United at 42 points but actually that’s a “D” – Avergae Score. 42 is pretty good when compared to the English Premiership teams, only 5 of whom get over 50 points and 11 of whom are technically insolvent.

So, what does it all mean? Absolutely bugger all.  More recession scaremongery and a company (Equifax) inventing a press release purely for the publicity.

EQUIFAX’S SCOTTISH PREMIER LEAGUE CREDIT RATINGS TABLE

*Motherwell Football and Athletic Club Limited is a company voluntary arrangement, so automatically given zero points and insolvency rating.

EQUIFAX’S PREMIERSHIP CREDIT RATINGS TABLE

Edit: Here are the fixture for the rest of the season: ScotPrem.com

Fantastic to see a derby at Easter Road on 2nd of January 2010.

Aberdeen v Celtic
Dundee Utd v Hearts
Hibernian v St Mirren
Kilmarnock v Hamilton
Rangers v Falkirk
St Johnstone v Motherwell

Rob Petrie:

“I am delighted to announce that John Hughes has been appointed Manager of Hibernian Football Club

“Appropriate arrangements were agreed with Falkirk Football Club to secure John’s release and John has signed a three year contract with Hibernian. We anticipate that Brian Rice will join John at the Club as Assistant Manager on his return from holiday.”

“The search for a new manager is always a difficult task and after a very thorough process we were fortunate to have a number of exceptional candidates. John Hughes was the unanimous choice of the Board not for his exploits as a former player, but for his credentials as a manager, his style of football and his potential to bring success to the Club on the field of play.

“I am sure too that John will galvanize everyone connected with Hibernian and drive the club forward. The Board will never lose sight of the requirement for Hibernian FC to be competing for honours and we see John as the ideal candidate to achieve this.”

Yogi:

“This is a very proud day for me. I am delighted to be the Manager of Hibernian.

“My future now lies with Hibernian and I believe I will bring innovation and an attractive style of passing football to the Club. I can’t wait to start working with the players and get down to business at the training centre.”

His stats aren’t exactly outstanding although he has spent a lot of time at Paris St.Germain without actually playing. Hopefully we’ll see a bit more of him at Hibs.

Presumably this signing had more or less gone through prior to MIxu leaving. Signing defenders does seem to be further confirmation that Rob Jones is on his way out of Easter Road.

Hibs players' Christmas Party

Update:The transfer window closed and both Steven Fletcher and Rob Jones remain Hibs players.  It appears that Celtic could not afford Fletch after all.

Celtic are following their usual, uninspiring pattern of stealing the best talent from the rest of the SPL by attempting to sign Hibs’ Steven Fletcher.  Both Rangers and Celtic have found it increasingly difficult to afford quality players from outside Scotland in recent years and Fletcher will be the next in a long line of players citing their “ambition” as a reason for moving West.  That his ambition is limited to choosing to remain in one of the smaller European leagues is apparently lost on Fletch.

As ususal, the Glasgow media have been happy to be the mouthpiece for the player and his agent, writing about how Fletcher hopes Hibs won’t price Celtic out of the move.  Fletcher doesn’t seem to understand the basics of football transfers – he still has years left on his contract and if Celtic can’t afford him, that’s tough luck.  Maybe he’ll just have to put his “ambition” on hold and move South to the biggest league in the world.

In the current economic climate, Hibs may have some concerns about transfer fees in future and may want to cash in on Fletcher now but that’s only thing that might work in Celtic’s favour.  As ever, Hibs’ Chairman Rod Petrie holds all the aces.  Hibs are in a solid position financially and Steven Fletcher has a long contract with the club so there is no need to sell.  There’s every chance that at 5pm on Monday 2nd February, Steven Fletcher will be a Celtic player, but it will be on Hibs’ terms.

Dean “Deano” Shiels also left this week, to further his career with English Championship strugglers Doncaster.  Dean has been a good servant for Hibs despite performances which were at times highly frustrating for the fans.  It’s difficult to say if this will be a good move for the player but it’s clear that after 5 years at Easter Road, it was time for a move to pastures new.  Swapping Edinburgh for the bright lights of Doncaster may not be an obvious choice for many but the challenge might be just what Shiels needs.

Speculation also surrounds Hibs’ captain, Rob Jones. Colchester have been making big noises but offering little cash for Jones but there are other clubs also interested.  Should Leeds or Nottingham Forrest put in a decent bid, it will be interesting to see whether Petrie can resist taking the cash.

It really makes me wonder whether there really is much of a difference between the Old Firm and the rest of the Scottish Premier League. Surely with a settled team, good manager and a bit of luck it should be possible to at least split them. I have a horrible feeling that other teams are intimidated by the Old Firm and the edge they have is as much psychological as anything else. Whilst they obviously have bigger squads and happily take their pick of the best players from other Scottish teams, they still have to play some very average / shite players, even in Europe.

Granted there is still a gulf between the Old Firm and the rest but if, say, three teams all started to take points off them regularly and at least one of those had a good run in the league who’s to say what could happen?

Financially things don’t look to good for Rangers. There could come a point where they can’t take their pick of other team’s players so easily – then their team would look very average indeed.

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Jonatan Johansson is an experienced international (91 caps for Finland) and a good mate of the Gaffer, Mixu Paatelainen.  He’s also an ex-Hun but let’s not talk about that.  He comes with a decent reputation but the statistics show he hasn’t exactly scored for fun (see below) and at 33 he’s surely in the twilight of his career.

That said, perhaps a big, mature centre forward to partner Derek Riordan is just what we need?

Here’s a YouChoob compilation of Jonatan Johansson’s best bits: